i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
