oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
