I'm going to jail i love you
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
