i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You're like the curious george of whores
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
