Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
