i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
