i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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