thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Sorry about my life...
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
