I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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