the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
If I die, sorry about rent.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
