I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
whose ass print is on the piano?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
