Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Holy shit dude........stairs
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
