So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
