I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
