I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
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