I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
