I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
