my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
