Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
