My hand turned me down
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
You took a bar mat shot.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
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