You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
pray to the hookup gods
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Randomize
