i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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