My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
