I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
