ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I don't deserve a penis
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
