all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
