I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
