I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize