I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
