Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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