Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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