Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
