i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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