I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
