I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize