it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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