WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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