He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
