Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
