Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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