So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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