im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize