I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
splinters make it hard to masturbate
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
