go do what you do best...puke behind churches
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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