saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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