sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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