I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
As shirtless as possible
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
