I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
