he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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