Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Randomize
