Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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