Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
