Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
