dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
