About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
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