I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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