He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
