I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
You have to summon your inner elephant
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
