I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
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