White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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