I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
