just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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