Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
