There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
