thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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