After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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