....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
