I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Randomize
