I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
