I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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