why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
