there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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