Yo dont text me then not text me
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize