So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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