We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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