Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
