Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
