What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i dont even know how to be here
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
This is the prime rib incident all over again
should my penis look like a turkey
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
