allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
