I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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