my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
